this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
