Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
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