i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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