i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
