I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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