Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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