don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
