i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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