The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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