u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I just googled if crying burns calories
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize