Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
