FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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