he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
