I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
No subtext here. People are naked.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
