i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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