You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
