that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
