RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
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