If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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