How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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