Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
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He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
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At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I would fuck him just for his dog