what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
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