i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
