All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
These Are 19 of the Most Horrible Strangers People Had to Sit Next to
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Randomize
