Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
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