How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
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You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
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Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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