Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
New York to be Host to Americaâ€™s Biggest Singles Event
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Kylie Jenner Wasnâ€™t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week