You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.