if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
29 Unspoken Rules Of “Bro Code”
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
23 “Girl Codes” Guys Probably Don’t Know About
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake