I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.