Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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