and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
