I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
God I need to hump something, right now.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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