and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
