He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
