I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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