My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
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