I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
