I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
