Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
