i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
