Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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