Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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