It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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