Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Randomize
