So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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