I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
it was like having sex with a tree stump
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
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