Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
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