you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Randomize
