We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
