I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
