I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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