angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
