First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
