It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
