i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
