i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize
