I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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