you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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