Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Randomize
