Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
soo... how was my night?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
