I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
