This dress was meant to end up on your floor
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
