guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
