Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Randomize
