Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
We're facebook friends in real life
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
