Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
