and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
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His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
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i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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