my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
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Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
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I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I just gargled with NyQuil
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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