The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
