you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
