i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
