i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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