Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Are my feet made of real feet?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
