Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I just blew my weed a kiss
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Randomize
