The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
