my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
