Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Randomize
