Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The beers last night were like the tears from god
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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